Why She Won’t Have Coffee With You

That titillating feeling you get when the cutest guy you ever saw walks past and for the tiniest fraction of a second, your eyes meet, the shortest fleeting glance, but it’s almost electric. The breath that follows is always full of anticipation and then, it subsides and your mind drifts to other things and tasks. But that feeling is powerful enough to turn a bad mood around, for a romantic at least. You see him again, you sense him hovering, should you strike up a conversation? Talk about music or books? That would seem fairly cultured, yes? Good thing you decided to grab a quick coffee at the cafe today.

Quite the romantic, though my mind often tricks me into thinking otherwise, I love feeling of butterflies fluttering about in my tummy, how alert and conscious I feel about each and every action of mine and most importantly the whirlwind of thoughts that crop up, sending me into a tizzy and end up increasing my heartbeat; all of this within seconds and from the outside, my body will show no signs of any change ever having taken place. I’ll look as bored as metal-heads would in those extra-large, neon coloured hipster shades.

Taking a look at relationships or ‘courtships’, they are well on their way to becoming painfully futile. Just like the term ‘courtships’, its customs have now become outdated and quaint. Initially, courtships allowed individuals to sail through infatuation and sexual attraction to the more permanent emotion of love and finally towards lasting holy matrimony. However, thanks to Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears, we know is no longer applicable to the world. Assisting them in this annihilation of relationships, are thousands of people who marry for convenience and marry quickly before the birth of the otherwise bastard. The destabilization of marriage is a worrisome topic as unlike failed courtships, it has very serious implications upon the current state of society. There is a separate hall of shame for those who marry as per customs or others wishes and are thus playing Russian Roulette with married life. This happens only too often and being worse of the two devils,  more often ends in ways other than divorce; murder, torture etc.

Thus, fortunately/ unfortunately, we are subjected to various ‘potential mates’ instead of finding one and sticking with him/her. Relationships these days have no common goal like they used to, not marriage nor love. A relationship is now a construct of individuals who decide whether the relationship is ‘working out’ or ‘good enough’ to continue. Couples do not look at themselves as a whole, but instead recognize themselves and therefore their role in response to their not-so-significant other. Thus, relationships are significant only when they enrich the self and therefore are majorly to enhance the self including others. Back then, people courted one another with a common goal being it resulting in marriage, however, nowadays it is quite the opposite, and marriage is now defined by the dynamics of the relationship.

Thus, relationships these days are built on sexual attraction like before but have no particular direction, nothing beats the initial feeling one gets, there is no common goal. Therefore meaning that most of the relationships we have are bound to perish, painfully, usually because most of us do not know what we are getting into since the stakes are no longer defined.

You claim to be in love, no denying that this love lasts for a long period, however when the love begins to become inconvenient and in the dynamic world of today, it eventually does, then it begins to die out. Soon, you find yourself ‘in love’ with another individual and so on. In the end, the emerging pattern of courtships/ relationships/dating is solely to satisfy the self. 

However, there exists a small percentage of people who are able to beat the cultural shift, get married and stay married too. We look upon them fondly, call them ‘lucky’ etc, this in turn proves my point all the more. There was a time when all relationships had this outcome and it wasn’t “impossible to think of it”. Come the changes in law, economy and technology, you say the global warming is the worst thing to fall upon us as a result? The implications on society are far worse.

So, if you’re wondering why your relationship failed, and whose fault it really was, I hope the article answers your question. Personally, I don’t claim to have beaten the tragedies of a relationship but simply find it easier avoiding them and thus being selfish, just like those in relationships, but without the tempting poisonings of one. (I think)

Also, an afterthought, don’t strike up a conversation with him, just feel satisfied with the warm and fuzzy feeling you were left with after the whole “..and our eyes met” moment till another one, inevitably, comes along.